Today has been a better day. Mike is smiling again, so my heart is beginning to lift as well. Life felt a little dark for a few days. I can't imagine where we would be if it weren't for God's grace and the prayers of all of you.
I'm looking outside Mike's hospital window while he sleeps, as I update this blog. Jaime and her husband have just left Houston, so I'm alone for the first time since Tuesday. On the marble wall of another building at MD Anderson is a shadow of a tall cross coming from a memorial garden out in front of the Lutheran Hospital. I'm reminded that I'm never really alone. It may feel that way at times, but God has not left my side. I don't know how we'll get through this, or what the route will fully be, but that isn't important. We can only walk one day at a time.
Mike had his Doppler test this morning. We do not have the results yet, but the cardiologist is on call all weekend, and we might get them sometime this weekend. They have just removed Mike's temporary drainage tube, put in at surgery. Tomorrow they intend to remove Mike's Epidural and begin him on pain pills. He is also beginning a regular liquid diet this evening, including milk shakes, puddings, etc. He began a clear liquid diet this afternoon, so changes are occurring quickly.
Mike's blood pressure still is a problem. He got up to walk this evening and it dropped to 78/44. I'm praying we can find the answer we need to correct this soon.
We learned today that only a portion of Mike's liver is damaged, not all of it as we had feared. It is only the portion where the tumor is. A partial reason surgery couldn't be done was because that portion, using the doctors words, was like concrete, from the damage from prior radiation treatments. If he were to try to resect it, he wouldn't be able to suture it, because of the hardness of it. We did learn from the surgery, however, that the tumor is contained only in the liver and is the result of radiation treatments, not because of a primary cancer somewhere else.
It is disappointing for Mike to be left with biliary drains, as a result to all of this damage, but we are going to need to learn to live with the biliary drains, and not view them so much as disabling. They are giving Mike life right now, and that blesses me, our children, our grandchildren, and our other family and friends.
Mike will need to have his tubes changed out every 2-3 months. He will be having this done before we leave Houston. He is expected to be discharged sometime between Sun.-Tues., and then next week he'll have an appointment to see his surgeon, and also one to see the radiologist's here, to see how they might help us further, if any. Then he will be checked into the hospital again overnight, to have the tubes replaced. After he is discharged, he will need to remain in Houston for an oncology appointment on the 14th. There may be other tests, appointments, etc. involving his heart, but for now, we only have the oncology tentative schedule.
I wanted to let you know what we haven't been told. He hasn't been told he's terminal. He hasn't be given any expiration date. What we've learned simply, is that the tumor can not be resected, and he will need to learn to live with tubes. He may need to have more treatments, but we don't know what MD Anderson is going to recommend.
It's been difficult to face all of this and ask the scary questions. Honestly, I wasn't able to do that. My sister did and I was terrified to hear those answers, but it helped to know the full truth. Some times our fears are worse than what we're really facing. I'm thankful my daughter and sister were here to help me face those monsters. You need to know Mike is having a difficult time taking all of this in. He is working through a lot of emotions.
We will continue needing your prayers as we try to live with cancer. Thank you so much for all of your love and support.
"Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and He will say: Here am I." Isaiah 58:9
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