We have made it safely home from Houston so I thought I would sit down and try to share a little about our trip. I suppose a good word to describe our days there, would be stressful. By the time we made it to Houston Monday morning, Mike was very sick. I was trying my best just to keep him well enough to get there, by attaching drainage bags, pushing fluids, and keeping him on the Levaquin (antibiotic). But in a huge city, with the city celebrating the Martin Luther King holiday Monday, we felt just as far from help there, as we did here. The clinic was closed.

Tuesday, Mike woke up feeling worse. He could barely walk because he was very short of breath so I had to get a wheelchair to get him to the Mays clinic (which was a good ways away from where we were staying). Because of the blockage, we were using drainage bags to help. This complicated things because Mike didn't have the fluids he needed internally to digest his foods correctly. So he became very dehydrated and weak. He managed to do the prep for the CT scan, without getting sick to his stomach, so after that test was finished, we went upstairs and met with the Cardiologist. As soon as the cardiologist took one look at Mike he told us to stay put...he was making a phone call to move up the biliary exchange. We had tried this several times on our own, but wasn't getting anywhere.

I'll stop here and briefly explain what we learned from the cardiologist about the blockage found last October in Mike's subclavian artery. It is considered severly blocked. The doctors are amazed Mike doesn't feel any pain or numbness in his left arm. The reason nothing is being done to repair this, (we were told...it can be repaired) is that Mike can not handle the surgery. After what happened last September, with his blood pressure dipping, it would make this surgery very risky for him. So...I guess, nothing will be done on this, unless we're forced down that route. That bit of news was disappointing, but we both tried to keep encouraged and felt grateful Mike doesn't show any symptoms of numbness, or pain in his left arm.

Wednesday, our first visit was to see the radiology group who did the radiation treatments last October/November. They were first pleased that "we got away with doing more radiation." Mike appears to have handled it well. But they quickly pointed out, Mike can have no more, ever again. That option is forever gone to us. They went on to explain that the CT scan didn't show any shrinkage, but they really didn't expect to see any. They had hopes it might shrink enough to open the obstruction area some. There could be a possibility all that is left, is scar tissue, but we don't know that for certain. All Mike's labs looked very good, with the exception of his elevated bilirubin count, due to the blocked tubes. So they were positive and just want to watch it. They would like to do another CT in 3 months, because the radiation may still be active enough to do something more.

The other bit of news they shared from the CT scans, showed that a lymph node in one of the areas near the obstruction, had decreased in size. This surprised us, because nobody had shared with us before, there were any nodes to be concerned about. They went on to tell us that another node was found to have increased in size by a 1/2 centimeter. And went on to say two small spots were found on Mike's lung with this last scan. In addition, they wondered if we had ever had Mike's thyroid looked at, because it was enlarged, but it had been all along. By the time all of this news hit us, we were sort of stunned, not knowing what to think. We next saw the surgeon who repeated the same news, with the same positive reaction. Even with this second set of doctors very positive, and just wanting to take a "wait and see" approach, Mike and I were pretty shook up. We agreed to seeing a thyroid specialist back here, being they didn't really think it was necessary to have any tests done there. It is important to inject here, that Mike's father died of Thyroid cancer seven years ago. So this very suspicion hit us hard. We didn't quite know what to do with all the information. We were pretty confused. Mike physically was ill, and emotionally, our hearts were heavy.

Mike had the biliary exchange done Wednesday afternoon and had a little problem with his blood pressure during that. The tube in the diaphram area of Mike's abdomen is always a little more difficult to change out, and Mike got a little uncomfortable during the procedure. In the beginning, I was made to believe Mike's BP dropped again during the procedure, which required an extra hour of observation, than the usual one hour. But when all the facts came out later, it is looking more apparent that the disposable BP cuff was defective. When a new one was placed on Mike, after the procedure, Mike's BP was fine. Still, they made Mike stay longer in recovery. Mike immediately began to improve once the tubes were replaced.

Before we left town today, we decided to meet with Mike's oncologist from Houston. We teetered on whether to keep this appointment, because this particular doctor hasn't always been positive in the past, and Mike and I didn't think we could handle any negativity from her. But we went on ahead and saw her. She walked in the exam room smiling, and was very positive about the CT results. She explained all of these new issues, as being nothing to really worry about. That they weren't all that concerned about them, and they felt the tumor was stable. She explained that the spots on the lung could be the leftover results of the radiation therapy, or from the fever Mike had. She said the nodes could be from debris from the blocked biliary glands. She didn't discuss the thyroid at all, because it had always been enlarged. She pointed out by showing us the scan pictures themselves, that we really don't know what we're seeing with the tumor in Mike's liver, because the tubes, stints, and obstruction, are all in this tiny area together. She just told us to wait another three months, keep in contact with our local oncologist, and then see her back in April.

It has been a difficult week dealing with all of this. Even when we're at the appointments, the reports read like Greek to us. We couldn't always understand what the report was exactly saying, or what the doctors were trying to tell us. You hear a word or two, and you just mentally or emotionally freeze, and shut down, with fear. Mike and I were not only dealing with him being so sick from the blocked biliary tubes, but we were also dealing with news that seemed to be hurling at us out of the blue. So it has taken a couple of days for us to process all of this.

This has been such a long journey for us, and the stress of dealing with it for so many consecutive days, is wearing on us. I can't begin to share all the things that go through our mind in a day. We do our best at renewing our minds, keeping our focus on God, and try to put one foot down in front of the other. But we're human, and we're tired. Thank you for being patient with us when we don't always think clearly, or act like ourselves. And thank you for continuing to strengthen us with your arrow prayers. Most the time we're grappling to cope, moment by moment, so your prayers are extremely important to us. We continue to give all of this to Jesus, and lay it at His feet. If we've learned anything over these past two years, it is that He is the Only One who is Able, and we surrender to His perfect will in our life.

"It is blessed to know of a place where we can lay our tired head and heart, our heavenly Father's arms, and say to Him, "I can do no more. And I have nothing to tell you. May I lie here a while and rest? Everything will soon be well again if I can only rest in Your arms a while."--O. Hallesby