Sacred Sorrow

"At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another.  We will be unable to affect the outcome physically.  Words will fail us.  Prayer will seem futile.  And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy."     by Ginger Garrett 

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES!  But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me) 

The Dresser

Glenn has been working for weeks building a beautiful walnut lingerie dresser for me to have in our bathroom.  It is to replace a dresser I stuck in there, mainly to give me a place to put a mirror so I can do my hair and makeup.  He has been patiently crafting this piece, bit by bit.  Slowly dragging it all out to work on.  And then slowly putting it all away again so we can get at least one car in the garage. And this beautiful piece of furniture will be something I treasure always, not only because I see all of the time he's put into it, but I can see all of the love he has put into it as well.

Time and effort are important in any matter....In any relationship....In any thing.  I put time into raising my family.  Mike put time in providing for our family.  We put time into making our home a haven for our children. Loving them completely and as deeply as we could. I put time into teaching my children in a way God laid upon my heart at the time.  It was a day in day out commitment.

I'm sure we made plenty of mistakes over the years, and the critic could find fault with one thing or another, if they looked close enough.  But we did the best we knew how, trying to follow our hearts in the direction we felt God was leading us.

Many can look at my children's and my life now, and judge it.  I know there are imperfections.  Probably numerous ones.  But I hope the best of the critics will take time to look at the good as well.  No one needs to tear anything down.  There was time and love invested.  It was a part of Mike's legacy, and it will also be mine.

Sour Dough Bread

Sourdough Starter

Years ago a friend gave me a recipe for making homemade bread that was easy and convenient to have on hand everyday.  Not only did the starter make great everyday bread but could also make delicious homemade sweet rolls, coffee cake, apple and blueberry braids, etc.

To make the starter mix together:

3/4 cup sugar
3 tbsp. instant potato flakes
1 cup warm water
1/4 tsp. active yeast (this is optional)


Let the mixture sit on your counter or in a warm area of your home for about 3 days. Every 3 – 5 days you need to feed your starter. This means that every 3 – 5 days you can make your bread. Or, you can feed it once or twice before baking your bread. If you feed it more than once, you will have extra starter to either give away to a friend or bake extra batches of bread.
The day (8 – 12 hours) before you want to bake your bread, you need to feed the starter. You will feed the starter the above mixture except you do not add the yeast. Keep your starter in a warm place to allow it to “grow” and sour. On the days you are not baking bread, you can leave it in the refrigerator or on your counter. Putting it in fridge slows the sourdough down.


To make the bread:

1/3 cup sugar (this optional, but I like to add it)
1 1/2 cup warm water
6 cups bread flour or all-purpose flour
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup starter
1 tbsp. salt

Mix all the ingredients together into a smooth rounded ball.  Then place this ball of dough in a bowl.  Toss the ball around in about a tablespoon of oil and cover.  Let rise in a warm spot for about 8 hours.

After this, punch down dough and knead just enough to get out the air bubbles.  Divide dough into about three balls and place into bread pans if you are making just bread, or you can also spilt the batch and make some sweet breads as well.

Let rise for another 5+ hours and then bake at 350 degrees for about 35-45 minutes.  I tend to underbake mine slightly to have a thicker density.
1 tbsp. yeast (optional – the bread will rise higher)

On the Therapy Couch

This has been an interesting and productive week for me as I have been working together with my Christian counselor on some issues that have been weighing down my heart for several months now. 

Going into sessions like these, it is easy for me to shoulder blame and beat myself  up on things that I literally have no control of.  My counselor gave me some references from the bible to consider and pray about.   

Romans 12:18

  "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

and

Mark 12: 30-31

 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”



My counselor pointed out to me, there is danger in placing others interests above my own, especially if it's at the stake of being walked on myself, and when it develops into an emotionally, mental or physical abusive relationship.

I recognize I make plenty of mistakes and I try very hard to ask for forgiveness when I feel I need to make something right.  I'll even go the second mile, so to say, just to keep peace.  But I've learned this week, there is a line I shouldn't cross over trying to be a peacemaker, because many relationships can be toxic and manipulation is their M.O.  My counselor suggested yeilding to what I feel isn't always the correct answer.  Drawing boundaries and insisting on the same respect is!

Lord God, I confess that this is an area I have wrestled with most of my adult life.  And now, after actively seeking Christian guidance for the past year or more, I'm realizing that I have made a pattern in my life to let others take unneccesary advantage of me.  Lord, I'm not bold, or eloquent in fancy vocabulary.  I can not out talk the best of them.  But I do have a big heart and pray that You would help me.  Be my Sheild and Provider.  Be the Arrow that needs to pierce the hearts of men.  Open my heart to feel more love and understanding and direct me in Your paths.