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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

7.09.2009

Thank you so much for your prayers and words of encouragement. The days have been so busy for me lately. I'm trying to learn a new job, keep up with things at home, and deal with the recent set backs of Mike's health, in addition to my own health issues. I'm trying to adjust, and do well most days. I've just had a few moments when everything has felt like it's running over the top of me. Thank you for your understanding and patience.

Mike felt better today. To be honest, I'm guessing on what is working, and what isn't. When Mike complained of being short of breath yesterday, I figured returning to a compromise of the dosages of diuretics, would possibly help. Dr. Hill had Mike on three kinds of diuretics coming out of the hospital a couple of weeks back. Dr. Sneed reduced the amounts before he left for Turkey on his vacation, because Mike became too dehydrated. So, I tried to find the middle of those two dosages...and Mike seems to be improving. At least, it seems that way this evening.

I had a little bit of a scare this morning trying to get Mike to take his morning medications. He wasn't crazy about taking one of the diuretics, Lactulose....and accidentally spilled it all over the bed. As Mike was trying to step out of the way for me to clean that up, I noticed his stomach appeared a little enlarged. I was afraid the Ascites was returning. But when I came home at lunch to check on Mike, and get him some lunch, his stomach looked normal for him. So I don't think we have anything to worry about. Mike will be seen by Dr. Berner Tuesday, and I plan on discussing the changes in medications with him to see what he recommends Mike to do. It is probable that Mike will need to have fluid drained from one or both lungs, but we're hoping it can be done as an outpatient procedure.

Mike isn't eating well and he's decided not to push eating more than what he feels like...which isn't much. I don't feel there is anything I can do to persuade him differently. I feel I can only force him to do so much. He is very thin and very weak. He's unable to drive. He barely can walk up and down the stairs. He's unable to go to physical therapy. He sleeps most of the day. He even seems to be disengaging himself around family to a certain extent, which is troubling for me. I'm not seeing the fight in him as much. I know he's tired, and feels beaten down, by the events recently with his health. He gets upset when he sees me trying to do everything. Nothing I say seems to help comfort him. He will put more of an effort on around the kids and grandkids. I would just appreciate your continued prayers for him.

Ambermarie is doing better. Her hand ended up burned pretty good, but it could have been much worse. She is feeling better this evening.

As always, thank you for your thoughts, prayers, and interest in our situation. We are blessed to have so many dear friends and family.

"I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!" Psalm 27:13-14

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