I will just warn anyone who comes into contact with me, or who cares; tears are on the edge and spilling over. If I'm quiet, it's only to keep my sanity. It has been a difficult couple of days, to state it honestly. Three weeks, and reality is hitting hard. The pain feels too much to bear at times. My heart is broken. We have the promise of heaven, but it feels like such a long way from home.
Mike and I have been one for so many years (35), that being anything else feels uncomfortable. I ache to hold his hand, to look into his eyes, to hear him breathe. I could always see that everything was going to be alright, when I looked into Mike's eyes.
I'm really struggling to keep things "normal" for the kids, when everything feels upside down. There is so much pressure to get it together right away. I would like nothing more than to slip away and rest. To work out all that I'm feeling. I'm so tired of legal issues. I'm so weary of what may lie ahead.
Lord, please still my heart. Slow me down and let me heal. I pray that my countenance lifts hearts, not weigh them down. Lift this burden I feel, Lord, and light my way. I feel so misplaced. I can't go forward without You. Please hug Mike for me and remind him of how much I love and miss him.
