I was working hard to keep pace today.  My heads been in a little bit of a fog.  Concentration has been a challenge.  Carrying around my heart has been a little heavy today as well. 

For the life of me, I don't understand why I keep thinking Mike is coming back, if I just endure a little bit longer. The lies your mind can tell you!!!  I think I honestly think God will either bring Mike back to me, or allow me to go to him.  I'm guessing I'm not totally past the denial/acceptance stage. 

I was telling my sister this evening that Mike ruined me in a way.  He spoiled and loved me so completely, that every day had a kind word, a wink, an "I love You", a hug or a kiss in it.  So, not receiving that now, I'm having major withdrawl.  I'm about ready to sit myself down in the middle of the aisle, and start kicking my feet in a tantrum.  I feel much like the junior high teenager whose self-esteem is a little wounded and a lot insecure.  Gosh....I grew up with Mike!  We have history! 

It just doesn't seem possible for me to survive this.  I'm tired of putting things out in front of me, just to drag myself into the next day.  I'm tired of only seeing the days of the week, as being the "days of the week", instead of adventures to share, or memories to make. 

This love story wasn't suppose to end this way in my book.  And speaking of that.....the term "till death do you part" is troubling me.  Why does marriage need to come to an end at death?  I believe I will feel married to Mike for eternity.  It took me 35 years to finally understand him!  Why wouldn't I want to clasp his hand and run down streets of gold?