Perspective

It amazes me how different life can appear 30,000 feet up in the sky over Arkansas and Texas!  The higher the plane climbs, the less things cloud my vision.  For one who has always been leary of flying; since Mike's passing, the sky is where my heart feels the most at peace now.  Up there, all that is obstructing my view (or thoughts) are maybe a few clouds, or sun beams.

We're going into month 4, and life still is uncertain for me.   There are still many unanswered questions and I am uncertain what my future holds.  My mind can't make up its mind if it wants to fight and survive, or give up, and let go. But something holds me tight, not giving me permission to give up yet.  It seems there is always some legal issue needing to be done the next day....the next moment...not allowing me the rest I think I need. 

A friend told me recently that these "annoyances" or "things", may be the very things that are pulling me out of bed each day...forcing me to go on, when I feel the least like I want to.  On this side of it, all I'm doing is searching for a way to escape, to go numb.  But circumstances are forcing me to "feel" life....whether it be good or bad.

One thing I walked away with this past week is that there are no easy fixes to this life experience.  There are no short cuts.  And some times you have to pass through the same painful territory, over and over again, until you experience or feel everything, God is trying to teach you. 

I'm comforted with the thought, Mike can look down over his family and smile.  Even though days are coming between the last time he encircled us with his comforting arms, I still feel his presence with us.  My breath is often taken away thinking of the glory he's seeing..personally experiencing the loving heart of God.  And the blessings don't end there.  Our family is receiving the reminder of his/His everlasting love.  Where one day, we will all gather together, and experience the deepest of all embraces, that will last for an eternity.