This week was full of surprises and blessings!  Receiving the disability award was huge for me.  At least I may have half of a chance keeping my head above water now.  God moved a HUGE mountain there.  So many of you stayed on your knees pleading and trusting Him for his help!  Simply....Thank you!

Tests at the hospital also revealed this week that there are no growths in my throat causing my swallowing problem.  But it appears my connective tissue disease may be worsening.  They are suggesting speech therapy to help with this.  I have an appointment Monday to see what they suggest...but being that my medical insurance will not cover these expenses, I'm really relying on my rheumatologist getting back with me, to see if he can recommend anything different.

I'm a year older this week too.  This past year has made me feel like I've aged more than only one year.  Now that God has answered so many of our prayers, and worry and distractions are less; grief is slugging me again, as though it's coming out of nowhere.  I can't understand why it seems to hit me in waves. 

I just want to get enough beyond the pain, so I can feel human again, and amongest the living.  I have let go of so many things that once brought me enjoyment.  My yard is a wreck.  My house needs maintenance.  At times the refrigerator doesn't even hold the basics to make a meal if I wanted to.

I'm planning on being a little selfish and taking some time for myself in a few weeks.  I promised myself, time away...to fully face what has taken place.  I've been so busy fighting for survival, the past 10 months, that I haven't had time to just let go and feel the loss fully.  But I feel I owe this to myself and I pray it will be a pivotal step in my healing.