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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

6.03.2011

Walking Forward

For the last six months, I have been in such a place in my life where I wasn't sure I wanted to go on.  It took a choice to fight with everything I had to move forward...if not for anyone else, but for my children and grandchildren. Losing Mike after 35 years of marriage, had me hanging by the thinnest thread.  Today I'm doing better and I'm at a place where I can see a possible end to this painful chapter in my life, and I am ready to move forward and try to live again.

I have moved all that I can take with me, to my new home, and I'm ready to place my home with Mike, on the market to be sold.  Ready...in as much as being resigned to the fact that I can keep it no longer.  God has been generous to allow me 1 1/2 years to pry every finger off of this treasure.  I'm ready to lay it down at His feet and walk forward...even though I know there will be tears as I see it the last time in the rear view mirror.  I was blessed to live there.  I don't think I could have enjoyed it more.

The Lord has brought another wonderful, Christian man into my life to care for me and love me. Although we may never have the same amount of years together, as I had with Mike, I will enjoy the laughter we share together.  We will put an arm around each other when crying are the only words we can speak for that day.  We both are picking ourselves up from loss, and trying to walk forward. 

That may be the only legacy I will have to leave for my children or grandchildren.  To get up from loss....and walk forward.  To not expect more from yourself than you're able to give, and remember that it is only by God's grace we can stand at all.
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