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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

5.08.2014

Trying to Find Home

It feels like it has been years since I have been home.  I have spent so many months trying to find it since Mike's passing.  Of course, needing to leave the place Mike and I called "home" was a huge hurdle for me. It was where I felt safe.  It was where all of my memories where.



Trying to live in another woman's home has been another hurdle.  I have spent a lot of time rearranging furniture, which many may argue I do all the time with any way.  Still, we have painted, remodeled, added a pool, and planted many flower gardens.  Yet still....I feel more like a guest and pretty much lost.



I have come to realize it may never feel like home until I get to heaven.  I have changed.  My heart longs to be with Christ, where there is no more awkwardness, no more pain or sadness,  no more fear, no more loss, and where I will spend eternity with the One who makes me whole.  After all, for the Christian, this world is only a temporary dwelling place.


We are here for a purpose and God will not call us home until that purpose is fulfilled. I want so much for others to know God and share heaven with me one day, most especially my grandchildren.  So maybe my purpose is to love on them and share any part of my life with them until God says, "Okay child, come home!" Maybe it is to reach the children in my Sunday School class, and perhaps love on them, for they may not feel like that at home.



I haven't been graceful going on without Mike.  I have been devastated! I have been fractured! I have been depressed and unstable at times. I have been anxious and fearful.  Staying here one more minute was agony to me.  I just wanted all the pain to STOP!


I have made decisions since, that have had lasting effects, and which have added to my struggle.  It has been a very lonely journey at times, even amongst the presence of many people.


I continue to walk forward one day at a time, and sometimes take a step or two back.  But now, home isn't so much about where I am at.  It's a place where I accept what has taken place, and keeping my eyes on what lies ahead of me and go forward.  I want to complete Gods purpose.  I want to be at peace with all people as much as I am able.  I will set my eyes on my Savior, and follow Him HOME.






"For here we do not have a lasting city, but we are seeking the city which is to come".  Hebrews 13:14
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