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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

6.30.2009

Update

5:00 p.m.- Mike received a full IV this afternoon at his oncologists office. He is still feeling pretty bad. His blood pressure was fine when they took it. They drew labs and his lab report didn't look too bad. His sodium was a little low, his potassium was a little low, his bilirubin was a little elevated at 2.4, but nothing stood out particularly for Mike to be feeling as bad as he does. The doctor came back and spoke with us. He asked for Mike and I to return tomorrow, to discuss where we go from here, and to also receive another IV fluid treatment. All diuretics have been removed from his list of medications.

Please pray that our appointment tomorrow would go well ,and that Mike will begin to feel better, and come out of this alright. He is so thin. Even though he's only had breakfast this morning; he has felt stuffed all day, and has had constant indigestion and hiccups. He's very weak and shaky on his feet. He asked to be put in a wheel chair when we arrived at the clinic this afternoon. That shows how bad he felt. Mike would do anything but that....if he could.

2:30 p.m.-We're heading in to the oncologists office for Mike to get an IV fluid treatment.

11 a.m.-We have a call in to Mike's oncologist this morning. Mike's blood pressure is down to 82/40 this morning, with his resting heart rate at 112. He is very weak. We are trying to find out if they think Mike should continue some of the medications he came home from the hospital with because he is becoming very dehydrated. There is the possibility they will bring him in for an IV. We are waiting for them to call us back.

6.29.2009

Mike hasn't felt well all day. He has spent most of it, in bed, or sitting in the chair next to our bed. Eating causes him to have a constant full feeling, and he struggles with indigestion afterwards. Because of this, he has drank very little today, which I know isn't good for him. I'm hoping he can see, or speak, with his oncologist tomorrow. Mike wants to stop taking one of the medications he was sent home from the hospital with. Actually, he's already halted it, against my better thinking. But it's possible, it might not even be necessary, since I don't see any visible sign of Ascites the last two days.

Mike's blood pressure (87/60) has been low, but his heart rate (112) has been pretty high, while barely moving around. We didn't dare put him on the scale today. He ate breakfast and lunch, but he only ended up drinking an Ensure for dinner. He's so thin, it brings me to tears. Days like today leave my heart feeling heavy. I feel helpless.

"Lord, Because You are my help, I sing in the shadow of Your wings. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:7-8