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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.
I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.
At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett
"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)
4.30.2008
Preliminary Report
We will see Dr. Sneed tomorrow around 11 a.m. to get the details and will post them when we can. As far as we know, Mike will also be getting another round of chemotherapy. Thank you for your continued prayers.
"He has torn us, and He will heal us; He has wounded us, and He will bind up our wounds." Hosea 6:1
4.29.2008
Waiting Still
Mike called the oncology office at 11:00 a.m. this morning and a message was left with Teresa, the head nurse, to return his call. Mike finally heard back from her around 4 p.m., but she didn't have the results in the Russellville office, so she needed to call LR and check. Well, we never heard anything more today. Mike, of course, was upset and emotionally drained. Thankfully, our family (minus Zac, because he had to work) gathered together for dinner. It helped just being together and laughing at the grandkids.
Waiting can be the hardest with all of this. It's looking more like we won't be told anything until our Thursday morning appointment with Dr. Sneed. We will continue to place our trust in our heavenly Father, knowing this is all within His control.
To update you on Matt, Jill and Drew....Matt and Jill spent last weekend out of state considering the job transfer. They wanted to be obedient if God was leading them elsewhere. After trusting Him for discernment and wisdom, they made the decision to remain in Arkansas and trust God to provide another job. I know I don't have to say what that decision meant to Mike and I.
With so much hitting our family the past 10 months (Mike's diagnosis, the loss of my father, Amber's health scare, and Matt's job losses), it has almost felt at times, too much to bear. But God has met us at each turn in the road and has reminded us of His peace and His presence. Our family draws strength from one another, and our faith is firmly rooted, believing that our God is Sovereign and Faithful. He will continue to lead us through this storm.
If we should hear anything, of course, we will post. Thank you so much for all of your love, support and prayers.
"Those who make God their confidence, have help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16
4.28.2008
No Results Yet
"Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31
4.26.2008
In God's Waiting Room.......
4.24.2008
CT Scan Scheduled Tomorrow
To update you on Mike, for the last couple of days, he has felt a little more tired, and his feet (the neuropathy) have felt more pain. He also has had some difficulty sleeping, but it has been a tremendously stressful week for our family, so I'm sure that has had an impact. Mike also has been trying to work regular work days, and I'm certain his body is rebelling from that. We're celebrating that he is feeling well enough to attempt this, and just keep praying God gives him back his strength day by day.
Thank you for checking our blog often, to see how you can be praying for our family, and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Friday. Love, Mike and Beverly
"For in the day of trouble HE will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5) Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. (Psalm 27:7-9) I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)
4.23.2008
"A Wild Ride"
Usually I begin this blog with an update on Mike, but I just needed a moment to thank so many of you, who I know are praying for me specifically, during this time, and who have encouraged my heart daily to keep walking baby step, by baby step. It hasn't always been easy, and it hasn't always been bravely, but I could have never come this far, without the faithful love and prayers of so many of you.
Often, I read a devotion called "Daily Strength" by Joseph Stowell. (found at RBC http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx) He has an interesting way of captivating my attention and making complex things of the Bible seem everyday and easy to understand. He has written a book called "The Upside of Down" and I would like to recommend it to you. (to read an excerpt go to http://www.dhp.org/files/X9529_excerpt.pdf) Mr. Stowell poses the question, "Have you ever found yourself caught on a roller-coaster ride that you weren't standing in line for?"
Well, lately, Mike and I have wound up on a wild ride that we never bargained for, and it has been a struggle enjoying any of the ride along the way. One twisty path after another seems to be trying to knock our feet out from under us, and it has been a challenge, to say the least, keeping the right perspective. I, personally, keep needing to tether myself back to, God is Sovereign, and He is in control. It may not feel like it at times, and I'm not always a happy camper on the journey, but I need to rest knowing He's at the wheel, and He has a greater purpose with this path we're having to travel.
Anyway, on Friday morning in LR, Mike will have a CT Scan. This will be the first (clear) scan done since our trip down to MD Anderson, last December. Those results on CD, could never be opened by the doctors here, so it has been sketchy what size the tumor last was then. We're praying the tumor in Mike's liver will have been reduced significantly with the chemotherapy treatments he's been receiving the last four months, and we pray NO OTHER tumors/cancer will be found. We will not receive any results until probably next week, so we're trusting God for His peace and sustaining grace, while we wait. We are praying even now, that whatever those results turn out to be, God will be preparing our hearts to understand and accept them, and that He will direct our path from there.
To update you on Mike, for the last couple of days, he has felt a little more tired, and his feet (the neuropathy) have felt more pain. He also has had some difficulty sleeping, but it has been a tremendously stressful week for our family, so I'm sure that has had an impact. Mike also has been trying to work regular work days, and I'm certain his body is rebelling from that. We're celebrating that he is feeling well enough to attempt this, and just keep praying God gives him back his strength day by day.
Thank you for checking our blog often, to see how you can be praying for our family, and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Friday. Love, Mike and Beverly
"For in the day of trouble HE will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5) Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. (Psalm 27:7-9) I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)
4.22.2008
Refuge in the Shelter of Thy Wings
(The above picture is of Mike's mom, Cecile, who is 89 and is in a nursing home here in town.)
4.20.2008
A Workout with Drew
We are trusting God for a good report following the CT scan scheduled for Friday, April 25th.
We are trusting Him for the strength needed to wait on this report, to hear it, and to determine what to do further.
We are trusting God to provide a job for Matt (our son) and his family, that will be near enough to us, that our family can continue to draw support, and lean on each other during this difficult time, and whereby Mike can continue to see Drew often. (see yesterday's posting for details)
We are comforted that we are surrounded by loving friends and family who are trusting God with us, and we are so grateful for their support.
"From the end of the earth I call to Thee, when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings." Psalm 61:2-4
4.19.2008
Grace and Strength
We were already trying to steady ourselves for the CT Scan that will be done this coming Friday (April 25) in LR to measure his progress, when we got the news that the company our son just got his new job with in Jacksonville, decided to close their doors in May. He had only been there just a few weeks. Obviously, this has been a huge blow to them, and subsequently for our family. There may be a possibility of him staying on with the company, but if so, it would require our son and his family to move out of state. Normally, this would be easier to handle if Mike wasn't so sick. The news has just been very overwhelming, and the additional uncertainity and disappointment for them, has just been difficult for our family to deal with.
We continue to ask for your prayers for Mike, with his health, and we ask for the grace and strength needed, to accept whatever God's will is with the CT results, and also for our son's job situation. (For those who may not know....our son's name is Matt, his wife's name is Jill, and they are the parents of Drew, whom you often see in pictures or video with Mike. He has been the little fire cracker, and inspiration for Mike, many days since he's been sick.)
4.18.2008
Continuing to Improve
4.17.2008
On the Mend
We can not thank you enough for your faithful prayers and emotional support, especially these past few days. We still have the CT Scan to face next Friday, April 25th, but Mike and I are feeling God's peace, and are trusting we will receive good news.
4.16.2008
Rounding a Turn
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20
4.15.2008
UPDATED- Laughter Does a Heart Good
Mike woke up this morning (Wednesday) feeling better and he has gone into work. He has a little head cold possibly, but it doesn't look any worse than that. Nausea/stomach discomfort seem to be subdued for now, but Mike is being very careful with what he's eating to avoid any trouble. Fatigue and aches and pains are his hurdles this morning.
Thank you SO much for sending us your encouragement and prayers.
"A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22
Edited-Hanging in There
We appreciate your faithful prayers and support.
Note: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th.
"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12
4.14.2008
A Little Better
Of Special Note: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th.
"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12
4.13.2008
A Little Worse
"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12
4.12.2008
Virus?
OF SPECIAL NOTE: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be Friday, April 25th.
"He did not waver in unbelief at God's promise, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God. " Romans 4:20
4.11.2008
The Day After
When Mike went for his Neulasta injection today, they gave him the appointment for the CT scan. A CT of the abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th, at 9:30 a.m. in Little Rock. An appointment has been scheduled to consult with the doctor Thursday, May 1st. We probably will not hear any results until that appointment. I know I don't need to say how difficult the next couple of weeks are going to be waiting. I'm confident God will meet every need we have, and we can rest knowing our friends and family are praying for us, but there will still be some anxiety. We hope you will remind us God is in control and encourage us forward.
"Father, please help us not to be like the ancient Israelites who willfully put You to the test. (Psalm 78:18) They did not believe in You or trust in Your deliverance after all the wonders You had shown them. (Psalm 78:22) Please swell our souls with belief and help us to trust emphatically in Your deliverance."
4.10.2008
Today's Visit and Treatment #8
We learned today that Mike gained another pound, which was a surprise to me! I was convinced, as often as he has been playing the drums each day, he would have dropped some weight, but evidently not, so that was good news to me. :) The doctor also was better able to gauge Mike's Neuropathy in his hands and feet, saying, "It can't be too bad if he's playing the drums!", so that was good news to hear as well. This has been one area the oncologist had been concerned about, trying to gauge exactly how much the chemotherapy is affecting Mike's fingers and feet.
Labwork showed that his CBC counts were all good. His liver enzymes are elevated, as they have continued to be, but his bilirubin count is normal, and that shows that his bile ducts/stents are functioning well. His kidneys are functioning normally too.
The CT Scan was discussed, and it was decided that Mike will have this done in Little Rock, at the oncology office there. This is because Mike has had scans done at so many different locations over the last 10 months (St. Mary's, Baptist, MD Anderson), that the doctor would like to use a radiologist he feels particularly confident with, so he can compare the scans and get as accurate of a measurement as possible. There has been a little confusion in the past, how much the tumor has shrunk, because of the various locations and different equipment.
Instead of having the CT done next week, the doctor decided he would like to have it scheduled as close to the next treatment date as possible, to allow Mike's body another three weeks of treatment, before making the measurement. We will receive that scheduled date tomorrow when Mike returns for the Neulasta injection, but we know it will be before May 1st, which is the next scheduled treatment date. We will know how to proceed after the scan is done. Obviously, we will need God's grace and strength waiting for those results.
Today's treatment went fine. We are expecting the same pattern of side effects, as we have with the past treatments.
Day1 & 2, Mike feel's jittery and has an onset of emotions, probably due to the steroids given during treatments.
Day 3 & 4, Mike begins to have stomach problems and just an overall feeling of not feeling well. He also becomes extremely weak and run down, wanting to sleep often.
Day 5 thru 8, Mike begins to bottom out and begins to hurt all over, and experiences bad headaches. He also seems to get the most discouraged around this point after treatment.
Then he begins to pull out of it, and begins to mend.
I know we can count on all of you praying for Mike, and for our family, as we try to help make him more comfortable. I'd like to also ask you to pray for protection over him, that he wouldn't be exposed to any harmful viruses the next week, that his vital organs would be protected from any harm of these harsh chemicals being used to diminish this tumor in his liver, and lastly, that God would take these drugs and work about a miracle in Mike. Also, please be praying that God will prepare Mike and I, to be at peace with whatever His will is, with the CT results, and to not lose hope.
In the past couple of days, we have received news from three family members and friends, who have been fighting cancer, and who have all gone into remission. God is answering prayer and working miracles. We continue to hope and pray there is one more out there with Mike's name on it.
Thank you again for loving us and supporting us in prayer.
4.07.2008
Treatment Week
"Lord, help us not to fear, for You are with us; We need not be dismayed, for You are our God. You will strengthen us and help us; You will uphold us with Your righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
4.04.2008
A New "Normal"
Anxiety and impatience are probably Mike's largest personal prayer needs this week. I've seen a little frustration from him, wondering how he's ever going to be able to return to "normal" life, with the limited amount of energy he has now on a "good" day. Please be praying Mike will just rest in feeling better and continue trusting God for tomorrow.
Next treatment: Thursday, April10th
"Father, I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which You have called me, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints and Your incomparably great power for us who believe!" Ephesians 1:18-19