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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

4.30.2008

Preliminary Report

Okay, we have heard back today from Teresa, the oncology head nurse. All that she could tell us was "that everything was stable", "the billiary tubes are functioning well", "the report was good", and that "what we're doing is helping." She wouldn't expound any further than that. She told us Dr. Sneed would talk with us further tomorrow. So we're praising God that nothing has shown up on the scan alarming, and that if anything, we're holding ground. That's enough to be more than grateful for!

We will see Dr. Sneed tomorrow around 11 a.m. to get the details and will post them when we can. As far as we know, Mike will also be getting another round of chemotherapy. Thank you for your continued prayers.

"He has torn us, and He will heal us; He has wounded us, and He will bind up our wounds." Hosea 6:1

4.29.2008

Waiting Still

Just to update everyone..........

Mike called the oncology office at 11:00 a.m. this morning and a message was left with Teresa, the head nurse, to return his call. Mike finally heard back from her around 4 p.m., but she didn't have the results in the Russellville office, so she needed to call LR and check. Well, we never heard anything more today. Mike, of course, was upset and emotionally drained. Thankfully, our family (minus Zac, because he had to work) gathered together for dinner. It helped just being together and laughing at the grandkids.

Waiting can be the hardest with all of this. It's looking more like we won't be told anything until our Thursday morning appointment with Dr. Sneed. We will continue to place our trust in our heavenly Father, knowing this is all within His control.

To update you on Matt, Jill and Drew....Matt and Jill spent last weekend out of state considering the job transfer. They wanted to be obedient if God was leading them elsewhere. After trusting Him for discernment and wisdom, they made the decision to remain in Arkansas and trust God to provide another job. I know I don't have to say what that decision meant to Mike and I.

With so much hitting our family the past 10 months (Mike's diagnosis, the loss of my father, Amber's health scare, and Matt's job losses), it has almost felt at times, too much to bear. But God has met us at each turn in the road and has reminded us of His peace and His presence. Our family draws strength from one another, and our faith is firmly rooted, believing that our God is Sovereign and Faithful. He will continue to lead us through this storm.

If we should hear anything, of course, we will post. Thank you so much for all of your love, support and prayers.

"Those who make God their confidence, have help in time of need." Hebrews 4:16

4.28.2008

No Results Yet

Mike called and spoke with the oncology nurse today, and there were no results available, as of 3:25 p.m. today. We continue trusting God during this waiting period and we appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

"Those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength." Isaiah 40:31

4.26.2008

In God's Waiting Room.......


Waiting on results of Friday's CT Scan.
Mike spoke with the oncology nurse today and
there are no results available as of 3:25 p.m. today (Monday).
(video below-click onto arrow to play)

"You are my hiding place; You protect me from trouble.
You surround me with joyful shouts of deliverance." Psalm 32:7




4.24.2008

CT Scan Scheduled Tomorrow

Friday morning Mike will have a CT Scan done in LR. We're praying the tumor in Mike's liver will have been reduced significantly with the chemotherapy treatments he's received the last four months, and we pray NO OTHER tumors/cancer will be found. We will not receive any results until probably next week, so we're trusting God for His peace and sustaining grace, while we wait. We are praying even now, that whatever those results turn out to be, God will be preparing our hearts to understand and accept them, and that He will direct our path from there. If we should hear something sooner, we will be certain to post the information.

To update you on Mike, for the last couple of days, he has felt a little more tired, and his feet (the neuropathy) have felt more pain. He also has had some difficulty sleeping, but it has been a tremendously stressful week for our family, so I'm sure that has had an impact. Mike also has been trying to work regular work days, and I'm certain his body is rebelling from that. We're celebrating that he is feeling well enough to attempt this, and just keep praying God gives him back his strength day by day.

Thank you for checking our blog often, to see how you can be praying for our family, and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Friday. Love, Mike and Beverly

"For in the day of trouble HE will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5) Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. (Psalm 27:7-9) I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)

4.23.2008

"A Wild Ride"

Usually I begin this blog with an update on Mike, but I just needed a moment to thank so many of you, who I know are praying for me specifically, during this time, and who have encouraged my heart daily to keep walking baby step, by baby step. It hasn't always been easy, and it hasn't always been bravely, but I could have never come this far, without the faithful love and prayers of so many of you.

Often, I read a devotion called "Daily Strength" by Joseph Stowell. (found at RBC http://www.rbc.org/bible-study/strength-for-the-journey/daily-strength.aspx) He has an interesting way of captivating my attention and making complex things of the Bible seem everyday and easy to understand. He has written a book called "The Upside of Down" and I would like to recommend it to you. (to read an excerpt go to http://www.dhp.org/files/X9529_excerpt.pdf) Mr. Stowell poses the question, "Have you ever found yourself caught on a roller-coaster ride that you weren't standing in line for?"

Well, lately, Mike and I have wound up on a wild ride that we never bargained for, and it has been a struggle enjoying any of the ride along the way. One twisty path after another seems to be trying to knock our feet out from under us, and it has been a challenge, to say the least, keeping the right perspective. I, personally, keep needing to tether myself back to, God is Sovereign, and He is in control. It may not feel like it at times, and I'm not always a happy camper on the journey, but I need to rest knowing He's at the wheel, and He has a greater purpose with this path we're having to travel.

Anyway, on Friday morning in LR, Mike will have a CT Scan. This will be the first (clear) scan done since our trip down to MD Anderson, last December. Those results on CD, could never be opened by the doctors here, so it has been sketchy what size the tumor last was then. We're praying the tumor in Mike's liver will have been reduced significantly with the chemotherapy treatments he's been receiving the last four months, and we pray NO OTHER tumors/cancer will be found. We will not receive any results until probably next week, so we're trusting God for His peace and sustaining grace, while we wait. We are praying even now, that whatever those results turn out to be, God will be preparing our hearts to understand and accept them, and that He will direct our path from there.

To update you on Mike, for the last couple of days, he has felt a little more tired, and his feet (the neuropathy) have felt more pain. He also has had some difficulty sleeping, but it has been a tremendously stressful week for our family, so I'm sure that has had an impact. Mike also has been trying to work regular work days, and I'm certain his body is rebelling from that. We're celebrating that he is feeling well enough to attempt this, and just keep praying God gives him back his strength day by day.

Thank you for checking our blog often, to see how you can be praying for our family, and please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Friday. Love, Mike and Beverly

"For in the day of trouble HE will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock. (Psalm 27:5) Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, "Seek his face!" Your face, LORD, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. (Psalm 27:7-9) I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD. (Psalm 27:13-14)

4.22.2008

Refuge in the Shelter of Thy Wings





(The above picture is of Mike's mom, Cecile, who is 89 and is in a nursing home here in town.)

Mike has been trying to work as close to full days as possible this week, and has been doing well. This has been the first time he's been able to do this since he got sick last July. He gets a little tired by the end of the day, but we're both very thankful for the strength God has given him to do this. It helps him to feel "normal". Of course, he will miss Friday, due to the fact we'll be in Little Rock getting the scans done.

It is a difficult week so we continue to ask you to cover our family in prayer.

"From the end of the earth I call to Thee, when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings." Psalm 61:2-4

4.20.2008

A Workout with Drew


We are trusting God for a good report following the CT scan scheduled for Friday, April 25th.

We are trusting Him for the strength needed to wait on this report, to hear it, and to determine what to do further.

We are trusting God to provide a job for Matt (our son) and his family, that will be near enough to us, that our family can continue to draw support, and lean on each other during this difficult time, and whereby Mike can continue to see Drew often. (see yesterday's posting for details)

We are comforted that we are surrounded by loving friends and family who are trusting God with us, and we are so grateful for their support.

"From the end of the earth I call to Thee, when my heart is faint; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For Thou hast been a refuge for me, a tower of strength against the enemy. Let me dwell in Thy tent forever; Let me take refuge in the shelter of Thy wings." Psalm 61:2-4

4.19.2008

Grace and Strength

Mike continues to feel better the further away from a treatment he gets.

We were already trying to steady ourselves for the CT Scan that will be done this coming Friday (April 25) in LR to measure his progress, when we got the news that the company our son just got his new job with in Jacksonville, decided to close their doors in May. He had only been there just a few weeks. Obviously, this has been a huge blow to them, and subsequently for our family. There may be a possibility of him staying on with the company, but if so, it would require our son and his family to move out of state. Normally, this would be easier to handle if Mike wasn't so sick. The news has just been very overwhelming, and the additional uncertainity and disappointment for them, has just been difficult for our family to deal with.

We continue to ask for your prayers for Mike, with his health, and we ask for the grace and strength needed, to accept whatever God's will is with the CT results, and also for our son's job situation. (For those who may not know....our son's name is Matt, his wife's name is Jill, and they are the parents of Drew, whom you often see in pictures or video with Mike. He has been the little fire cracker, and inspiration for Mike, many days since he's been sick.)

4.18.2008

Continuing to Improve

Mike is continuing to improve from the side effects of his last chemotherapy treatment. There have been some other obstacles that have popped up in the last day or two though, that our family is presently coping with. We are unable to go into full detail right now, but would really appreciate your prayers for strength and guidance.

4.17.2008

On the Mend

Just wanted to let everyone know Mike is doing well this morning. He is back at work again today. He has some minor nasal congestion from either a head cold, or allergies, but it hasn't been too annoying for him. The queasiness comes and goes, but he's not needing to be as guarded with what he's eating, as he had been the last 4-5 days. Weakness and body aches are still an issue (and really never completely go away), but he "exercised" by playing his drums for over an hour last evening. The drums have ended up being a huge blessing, motivating Mike to move, even when he doesn't really feel like it. I believe he's pulling away from the worse, following this past treatment, and is on the mend.

We can not thank you enough for your faithful prayers and emotional support, especially these past few days. We still have the CT Scan to face next Friday, April 25th, but Mike and I are feeling God's peace, and are trusting we will receive good news.

4.16.2008

Rounding a Turn

Mike woke up feeling better this morning and went to work. He came home at lunch and went back to work, without resting, which is amazing after the way he felt yesterday. I know he is being carried by everyone's prayers. Thank you so much for lifting him up.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

4.15.2008

UPDATED- Laughter Does a Heart Good

Mike had a difficult day yesterday. It was hard watching him hurt and feel so bad. Later, yesterday afternoon, he decided to sit out in the sun for a little bit and watch his grandson play. God knew we needed a little "Sonshine". Drew has the perfect way of bringing a smile to our face and helping us to forget the battle for a moment. (attached video)

Mike woke up this morning (Wednesday) feeling better and he has gone into work. He has a little head cold possibly, but it doesn't look any worse than that. Nausea/stomach discomfort seem to be subdued for now, but Mike is being very careful with what he's eating to avoid any trouble. Fatigue and aches and pains are his hurdles this morning.

Thank you SO much for sending us your encouragement and prayers.

"A joyful heart is good medicine." Proverbs 17:22

Edited-Hanging in There

Mike is home today. He didn't feel well enough to make it into work. Today his symptoms are increased fatigue, body aches, and his stomach feels "off", making him leary to eat very much this morning. It wore him out just to get dressed, so his body must need some extra rest right now. He does seem to have some mild congestion but the fever hasn't returned. Please continue to pray for a bubble of protection around Mike, from any viruses, or severe side effects of the chemotherapy.

We appreciate your faithful prayers and support.

Note: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th.

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12

4.14.2008

A Little Better

Mike is feeling a pinch better today. He's in bed right now, and I hope he remains there. He tried to go into work, and lasted for about 2 hours, before coming back home. He doesn't seem to have a fever anymore, but he sounds a little congested to me in his upper chest. His biggest problem is still with his stomach, and he's feeling very weak today. Thank you for praying for him.

Of Special Note: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th.

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12

4.13.2008

A Little Worse

Mike is feeling pretty bad today so we would appreciate your prayers. He has begun running a low temperature, is feeling weak, still having nausea, body aches, a scratchy throat and a fairly bad headache. He has been routinely taking the phenagren (for nausea) and hydrocodone (for pain), with only slight relief. It's hard to say if this is a virus, or treatment related, but please be praying that it doesn't turn into anything more serious. Especially pray for protection over his heart and lungs, because he has past history with fluid developing in those two area.

"Rejoice in hope; be patient in affliction; be persistent in prayer." Romans 12:12

4.12.2008

Virus?

Mike woke up with a scratchy-sore throat this morning. The last thing he really needs to be dealing with right now is a virus, day two after a treatment. He isn't running a fever and there have been no other symptoms, outside of the usual following a treatment, so we're praying this is nothing.

OF SPECIAL NOTE: CT of abdomen, chest and pelvis will be Friday, April 25th.

"He did not waver in unbelief at God's promise, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God. " Romans 4:20

4.11.2008

The Day After

True to what I reported yesterday, Mike has been dealing today with the side effects from the steroids given with yesterday's treatment. It has had him wound so tight, he has felt jittery all day, a little edgy, low on patience, and has had difficulty reigning in his emotions. It's just one of those things that takes a few days to get out of his system. He also is experiencing slight stomach discomfort, which the Phenagren isn't completely helping so far. His voice is a little hoarse, and his taste buds are a little off, but these should improve in another day or so.

When Mike went for his Neulasta injection today, they gave him the appointment for the CT scan. A CT of the abdomen, chest and pelvis will be done Friday, April 25th, at 9:30 a.m. in Little Rock. An appointment has been scheduled to consult with the doctor Thursday, May 1st. We probably will not hear any results until that appointment. I know I don't need to say how difficult the next couple of weeks are going to be waiting. I'm confident God will meet every need we have, and we can rest knowing our friends and family are praying for us, but there will still be some anxiety. We hope you will remind us God is in control and encourage us forward.

"Father, please help us not to be like the ancient Israelites who willfully put You to the test. (Psalm 78:18) They did not believe in You or trust in Your deliverance after all the wonders You had shown them. (Psalm 78:22) Please swell our souls with belief and help us to trust emphatically in Your deliverance."

4.10.2008

Today's Visit and Treatment #8

First, Mike and I would like to thank everyone for praying for us this week, and mostly especially, today. The anxiety of the unknown can be the hardest for us to deal with. But we felt God's peace today, and know that is largely because of all of our family and friends supporting us.

We learned today that Mike gained another pound, which was a surprise to me! I was convinced, as often as he has been playing the drums each day, he would have dropped some weight, but evidently not, so that was good news to me. :) The doctor also was better able to gauge Mike's Neuropathy in his hands and feet, saying, "It can't be too bad if he's playing the drums!", so that was good news to hear as well. This has been one area the oncologist had been concerned about, trying to gauge exactly how much the chemotherapy is affecting Mike's fingers and feet.

Labwork showed that his CBC counts were all good. His liver enzymes are elevated, as they have continued to be, but his bilirubin count is normal, and that shows that his bile ducts/stents are functioning well. His kidneys are functioning normally too.

The CT Scan was discussed, and it was decided that Mike will have this done in Little Rock, at the oncology office there. This is because Mike has had scans done at so many different locations over the last 10 months (St. Mary's, Baptist, MD Anderson), that the doctor would like to use a radiologist he feels particularly confident with, so he can compare the scans and get as accurate of a measurement as possible. There has been a little confusion in the past, how much the tumor has shrunk, because of the various locations and different equipment.

Instead of having the CT done next week, the doctor decided he would like to have it scheduled as close to the next treatment date as possible, to allow Mike's body another three weeks of treatment, before making the measurement. We will receive that scheduled date tomorrow when Mike returns for the Neulasta injection, but we know it will be before May 1st, which is the next scheduled treatment date. We will know how to proceed after the scan is done. Obviously, we will need God's grace and strength waiting for those results.

Today's treatment went fine. We are expecting the same pattern of side effects, as we have with the past treatments.

Day1 & 2, Mike feel's jittery and has an onset of emotions, probably due to the steroids given during treatments.

Day 3 & 4, Mike begins to have stomach problems and just an overall feeling of not feeling well. He also becomes extremely weak and run down, wanting to sleep often.

Day 5 thru 8, Mike begins to bottom out and begins to hurt all over, and experiences bad headaches. He also seems to get the most discouraged around this point after treatment.

Then he begins to pull out of it, and begins to mend.

I know we can count on all of you praying for Mike, and for our family, as we try to help make him more comfortable. I'd like to also ask you to pray for protection over him, that he wouldn't be exposed to any harmful viruses the next week, that his vital organs would be protected from any harm of these harsh chemicals being used to diminish this tumor in his liver, and lastly, that God would take these drugs and work about a miracle in Mike. Also, please be praying that God will prepare Mike and I, to be at peace with whatever His will is, with the CT results, and to not lose hope.

In the past couple of days, we have received news from three family members and friends, who have been fighting cancer, and who have all gone into remission. God is answering prayer and working miracles. We continue to hope and pray there is one more out there with Mike's name on it.

Thank you again for loving us and supporting us in prayer.

4.07.2008

Treatment Week

Mike will have an oncology appointment and his 8th treatment Thursday. Please pray we will find the emotional strength we'll need. It takes every prayer, and every bit of encouragement, to walk in this situation each day. Your prayers are just incredibly important to us, and we're so grateful to all of you for letting us lean on your support.

"Lord, help us not to fear, for You are with us; We need not be dismayed, for You are our God. You will strengthen us and help us; You will uphold us with Your righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

4.04.2008

A New "Normal"

Mike has had a fairly quiet week. With his new "normal" of energy, he has been able to work a couple of hours each day. When he is home, he mostly naps or rests. This past treatment (3/20) seems to have been kinder to Mike symptom-wise, giving him extra days between treatments to feel better, for which we are so grateful.

Anxiety and impatience are probably Mike's largest personal prayer needs this week. I've seen a little frustration from him, wondering how he's ever going to be able to return to "normal" life, with the limited amount of energy he has now on a "good" day. Please be praying Mike will just rest in feeling better and continue trusting God for tomorrow.

Next treatment: Thursday, April10th

"Father, I pray that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which You have called me, the riches of Your glorious inheritance in the saints and Your incomparably great power for us who believe!" Ephesians 1:18-19