Mike made it to physical therapy today, the first time in a week. He had to wear special gloves on his hands because of a side effect from the treatment, called "hand-foot syndrome". This syndrome causes pain, swelling, redness, and tingling. Mike's thumbs and first fingers are his trouble areas. He is also experiencing itching. The gloves help buffer the pain from gripping the equipment.

The mouth ulcers are still a problem but Mike said they actually look worse today than they feel. He has had less problem swallowing. That is an answer to prayer!

His appetite dropped this evening because he is experiencing his stomach feeling full, when he hasn't eaten. He also has had trouble "bottoming out"...basically losing his strength quickly while doing something. I'm pretty sure his counts are low, but thankfully not so low to need the Neulasta injection.

Mike has made a couple of comments the past week that have been difficult for me to hear. He has shown a lot more frustration that this is what his life has become. He made the comment to me that his career is over, that he's realizing that he'll probably never work again. I think the months he was off chemotherapy, he felt energetic enough to stay busy with something and dream that this may eventually get better. Now, with the added hurdle of dealing with these side effects, he seems a little discouraged.

I can't blame him. I have my moments too. The life we had is hardly recognizable anymore. Today I was doing lawn work and so much was going through my mind as I rode the tractor. Building this home was such a dream for Mike and I. We poured our heart and hard labor into doing a lot of the work ourselves. We were a team and we enjoyed the challenges it brought. Now, it takes everything I've got just to keep up with everything around here, and I see so many areas that need attention. I found myself so overwhelmed in thought, that I had to stop myself. I don't know how we'll get through all of this, outside of just taking things one day at a time. When I think too far down the road.......I only end up discouraged and feeling defeated.

So, please pray for Mike and I, to receive another measure of God's grace, so we can continue walking down this scary path, trusting God intends it for our good.

"O Lord, be my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; give the command to save me, for You are my rock and my fortress." Psalm 71:3