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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

6.20.2009

Mike is finally resting today. After a week of being wired and chatty, he is sleeping deeply and getting some good rest. The aim of the nursing staff is keeping Mike comfortable, giving him his antibiotics, and trying to get him to eat. They are supplementing his meals with Ensure, and hoping to increase his appetite. They have him back on most of his routine medications. Some of those were halted when Mike became confused.

Mike had a couple of his hallucination-type moments this morning, but he caught himself, and acknowledged them before I had time to say anything. His body is also experiencing some tremors as well. He still has the swelling from the Ascites but he is on diuretics now to help with that. Yesterday he was able to walk around the fourth floor about 5-6 six laps. It was nice to see him feeling more like himself.

In the last two days we have received some disappointing news, half of which Mike is unaware of. Due to Goody's Corporate Offices closing the end of April, we were notified this week we have lost not only Mike's Long Term Disability Insurance, but his Life Insurance Policy as well. My first reaction was "How will we ever make it"? Getting hit with blow after blow, I fall into the trap of thinking, I need to work out all of these problems myself. But as the heat continues to rise in this fiery furnace; all I can do is simply, trust God for each day and each blessing He gives us, and try to keep faith, the fire won't burn us.

Amber felt peace enough to go on vacation with the Lacy Family this week. She needed some time to rest. My sister went back home to Midland on Thursday. Matt and Jill are here for me to lean on, if I need them. I plan on trying to return to work this week, if Mike does well. We know he will be in the hospital for at least a couple of more days.

We have so much to be grateful for. Everyone has been such a blessing to Mike, myself, and our family. It has been such a comfort to be thought of so deeply, and to have you pray for us, when we have been so tired, to know what, or how to pray. Your hugs have been a warm blanket around me, reminding me I'm not alone. How can I ever thank all of you?!!! I'm so blessed!
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