Today is a little better day for Mike. He has been more coherent. When I was there, his tremors seem to have worsened, especially while he's sleeping. Mike recognizes he is having these involuntary movements too. I spoke with the doctor and nurse last night, and today, about these, and I'm not really getting any answers. The doctor on call last night, ordered some bloodwork, but they told Mike this morning it was all normal. I asked if it could be a side effect to the new medications he is receiving, and was told probably not. An allergic reaction....probably not. Anything to be worrying about....probably not. Mike is beginning to feel a lot like Michael J. Fox.
The diuretics for the Ascites seem to be working at pulling fluid out of Mike's knees and thighs. He still has a very swollen tummy. Before all of these Ascites symptoms, Mike weighed 145. Today they weighed him and he was 162. Normally this would be good news...but for a man barely eating...it's clear this is a lot of water weight.
The scary thing for me today is thinking about here on out. Mike doesn't seem to be returning physically to where he was a month ago. I'm wondering if he'll be able to come home...get off oxygen....get off IV fluids...or walk any distance. I'm wondering if he is going to need 12 hour care, 24 hour care, and if so, how to do that if I work. I'm wondering if I need to be bracing myself for the worse, or continue to keep faith and hope that God can still heal our situation.
The wind can change so quickly! With the way circumstances have been recently; loss of Mike's health, loss of his job and then income, loss of insurance, loss of Long Term Disability, loss of Life Insurance.....I'm wondering what could be next. Will all earthly provision and security be ripped from our hands, and if so, why? What is the lesson here? I ask myself that a lot these days. Why? And I'm wondering, is survival even possible. The nightmare seems unending.
I guess this warrior is a little tired today.
"The lives that have been the greatest blessing to you are the lives of those people who themselves were unaware of having been a blessing. --Oswald Chambers
1 comment:
I was pondering these things last night as I put Drew to bed. The Scripture was read in church yesterday about how if we, being good parents, long to give good gifts to our children, how much more does God long to give us good gifts? I thought about how I would never wish any of what you're going through on my child, so how could God just sit by idly and watch you suffer like this? What kind of Father is that? Then I thought, He's the kind of Father who longs to gather many children to Himself. He loves each of us equally. So, surely, the only way he would allow this suffering is if it somehow brings at least one person to know Him. You may not know who it is who comes to know the saving grace of Christ, until you meet that person face to face in Heaven. And prayfully, there will be many more faces in Heaven you will see that God brought to his flock through your faithfulness and suffering. Even though it's hard to see now, one day when we're all together, without pain or sorrow, in the presence of the One who lived and died for us, and in the presence of those brought to Christ through this nightmare, it will all be worth it.
Post a Comment