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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

12.01.2009

Trying to Cope

I felt yesterday like all I did was spin my wheels accomplishing little.  I was buried in piles of paperwork and a "to do" list.  United Medical came and picked up unneeded supplies.  I tried to make a few important phone calls notifying companies of Mike's passing, but spent most of the time frustrated with automated messages and not getting to speak to a human voice.  I finally ventured outside the house to run a couple of errands, only accomplishing going to the clinic to get bloodwork done, and picking up refills from the drugstore. I became so overwhelmed I headed back home.

Seeing everyone moving on with their lives and putting up Christmas decorations has been rough.  I can easily get caught up with the anticipation and excitement...then reality slaps me hard and I sink deep.  I'm trying to come to terms with this so I don't ruin the holidays for my children and grandchildren.

I'm heading to the attorney this morning to begin the grueling task of sorting through paperwork and getting advice.  Amber will be going with me to be extra ears.  Please pray for God's hand to be in all of this and that I will walk away with a lifted spirit.  I feel like a foreigner walking in such unfamiliar land.  I appreciate all of the love and prayers.
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