I know deep in my heart that God doesn't make mistakes, yet I found myself asking Him last night if it were possible.  I had another evening where I felt I wouldn't be able to survive this.  Mike would be the kind that could.  He was the strongest between the two of us.  He would have an easier time of overlooking things and moving on.  If nothing more, he would at least throw himself into his work, his family, his hobbies....something.  I "feel" everything!  And not only that, I can get stuck and become immobilized by a situation.  I don't want to "feel" anymore.  It's too painful.  I'm not sure I can pick up the pieces of my life and move forward.  I told God that last night.  I begged Him to have mercy on me...yet here I am this morning with another day to face.

I'm so grateful for my friends and family reminding me of their thoughts and prayers.  It reminds me I'm not alone.  You are helping me to get through each moment....each day...each week.  Even if I don't throw myself into the activities you are suggesting me to do; you are helping me to remember I'm not completely alone.  I'm just not in a place where I can listen and take your advice or suggestions fully.  I hate to think I'm still falling and haven't hit bottom yet.  I suppose there is more pain ahead....more refining needing to take place.  Inwardly, I'm crying out "uncle," but God is pressing on; doing work in me.  Please pray I will pass this testing and bring Him glory through it.