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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

1.09.2010

This has been a busy week!  I've held it together, but geez-louise I'm tired!!!  I fretted whether I was ready to return to work.  Emotionally, I didn't feel up to it...but doing my job has been helpful.  I just need to get my energy level caught up with where it needs to be.

I'm learning life goes on even while mine is upside down.  I'm trying to find my footing but it hasn't been easy. I know God is teaching me to refocus on Him.  To look to Him to meet all of my needs. I'm trying to come to terms with my loss but I have a feeling this isn't going to be a quick trip. 

"When God allows Satan to bring grief into our lives, God has a purpose.  For if we actually love God, not for what He gives us, but for Himself, then our souls, instead of shriveling up in suffering, are enlarged.  This seems to be a key reason God allows suffering.  Consider: It was not Satan who first brought up Job's name, but God." (The God of All Comfort)

"Loss, even loss that brings fresh suffering day after day, can work the exact opposite that Satan intends.  Instead of proving us as frauds, it can purify and refine what is true in our hearts and ripple out to our children, to our children's children."  (The God of All Comfort)

"I guard myself from thinking that if I had prayed a certain way, or read the right verses, or even believed a certain way, that God would have somehow "obligated" to answer my prayers in the ways I had wanted Him to.  Just as I also guard myself thinking the opposite, that if Mike died, I was somehow to blame because I didn't pray hard enough or have enough faith.  That scenario would have put me in control, and that is a place I've never wanted to be in.  I am thankful for a Sovereign God who WAS and IS in control.........I resolve to trust Him, regardless of the outcome." (adapted from The God of All Comfort)

I'm still in need of your prayers as I find my way down this path.  I'm grateful for your interest in my blog and our family's walk.  We are so indebted to you for your faithful prayers and all of your loving support.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
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