My emotions have been all over the place this past weekend.  At one point, I was actually angry for Mike leaving me....as if he had any way to stop it from happening.  I would see his picture smiling back at me, and where that use to comfort me, for some reason this week, it was just a reminder of him being gone.  So one evening I actually started removing several I had placed around the house.  I never completed the process before I was moving on to another project.

So next..I tried to free up a little closet space and I considered moving some of Mike's clothes that were new, that I thought others might be able to use.  So several pieces hung on my bathroom door....and I looked at them for days.  Everytime I passed them I would put them to my nose to see if I could smell Mike on them, and was disappointed each time.  So when I was certain about this, I put them in the laundry and washed them.  And I offered them to people...with the condition they were to give them back to me if they didn't want them.  Why....I don't know.  I guess incase Mike returned!  Nothing I do makes very good sense to me right now.

I really do feel I'm losing my mind at times.  My life feels so upside down, it is paralyzing me, and almost rendering me useless.  I think I'm striving so hard to try and put my life back together, that it's either too soon, or nothing is feeling the same. I'm completely frustrated.  I do a little bit of this and that...then end up stopping feeling befuddled.  I pray this is only a temporary problem.

I know part of my problem has been exhaustion.  I have been fighting a virus for two weeks now, and with the added stress of losing Mike's mom this week, I haven't been myself.  I've been a mess!

My one appointment in April, has been increased to two now, so that's on my mind as well.  I'm just not use to handling so much at one time.  Mike always spoiled me and lifted that burden.  He was my caregiver, and I thrived on his enthusiasm and zest for life.  He shielded and protected me.  He was my biggest cheerleader, and his love gave me instant energy.  I miss him more than words could ever describe.