My time away to Florida this past week was something my heart, soul, and mind really needed. I needed to see the ocean meet the sky; removing everything else in its path, to put life back into perspective. I needed to feel the breeze on my face, to remind me I was still alive, and take in all that has past through my life the last three years.
I thought a lot about everything....losing Mike, the adjustment to loss. The struggles our family has gone through to survive. What we're trying to hold on to. What has been pried from our hands. I have thought about the pain we have felt watching someone; no...two people we loved dearly... leave us. I stared off in deep thought. I cried hard. I contemplated how to finish this course called Life. It was a selfish trip, I'll admit, but one I desperately needed.
More than anything, I want to heal. I need to for Mike. I need to for Matt and Amber. I need to for my children in law, and also for my grandchildren. I need to complete the purpose God has for my life. I need to figure out what is really important, and what isn't. I need to learn how to go forward. Borrowing a quote I heard while away...."You can't move forward if you're eyes are always looking in a rearview mirror."
ALL of my memories of Mike are still with me. ALL of his love is still in my heart. ALL of the reminders of our life together, are still important...and will continue to bless me for the remainder of my life.
Going forward is not disrespectful to his memory. It is showing that his love was important enough to me, that I want to continue living, for my children and for my grandchildren.
I asked God for strength. I asked God for forgiveness. I asked God for direction. I asked God for peace. I asked God for His grace. And He answered, "You've had it all along."
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