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In 2007, I began my original website, Sonshine's Haven. In 2007, it was turned into a blog and used to keep family updated on my first husband's fight with liver cancer. He passed away November of 2009. We were married for 34+ wonderful years and this journals some of that grief process I've gone through.

I have since remarried another widower, but Mike is missed dearly, and will always be a big part of my life.

At times, all of us will be called to act as witnesses to the suffering of another. We will be unable to affect the outcome physically. Words will fail us. Prayer will seem futile. And yet, the act of bearing witness to someone else's trials is a sacred sorrow that offers and astounding glimpse of eternal joy." by Ginger Garrett

"Being willing to stay with a loved one throughout their travail, can be difficult....YES! But offering yourselves as faithful companions on a dark and dreadful journey can be an unmeasured blessing." (paraphrased by me)

10.09.2008

Riding an Emotional Rollercoaster

This morning we received a phone call from the cardiologist who came to Mike's hospital room last night with two other cardiologists, barely keeping his feet on the floor, to announce Mike's heart problems were only because he was dehydrated. There were NO heart issues. It sounded too good to be true, and it's possible it was. This morning they let us know a head and neck specialist took a look at the MRA and may have seen a blockage. The radiologist didn't see one, but this doctor disagrees. They would like Mike to have another heart catherization to rule it in or out. Unfortunately, it is going to need to wait. Mike told him radiation treatments were beginning Monday and all procedures (including the tube replacement) will have to wait until they are over.

These kind of experiences are really beginning to wear on Mike and I emotionally. To get our hopes up so high, only to dash them is painful. We already have enough we're trying to deal with. But these rush decisions seem unnecessary and wrong, especially from an institution this large. Anyway, it's there and we're going to need to deal with it. It will just need to wait for now. Our challenge now, is to not let the joy we felt yesterday, be squelched.

As Amber reported yesterday, Mike will be starting radiation treatments Monday. (Or at least he's scheduled to ;) We go tomorrow for what they call "simulation", which is to CT Mike and draw on his body the exact location the radiation will be directed to. They may, or may not, make a cast or cradle that will keep Mike's body in the same position during treatments. Then on Monday he will begin treatments twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the afternoon. These will be Monday through Friday for the next three weeks.

The group we met with yesterday seemed so positive and optimistic about being able to help us. Mike and I are praying they will be successful. Even though we don't have past records, the doctors feel they have enough information by what Mike and I were able to share, to go about this safely. We aren't so much placing our trust in them, as much as we are placing our hope and trust in God. He knows what's best for Mike and I.

This, of course, means we'll be in Houston much longer than we anticipated...and if biliary surgery and a heart catherization is added to that, it extends that time out even further. Mike and I are already a little homesick, so please pray these weeks will pass quickly and will be successful.

Mike was discharged today from the hospital. He ended up with a bacterial infection in his incision, so that needed to be reopened about 3 inches, and needs to be packed with gauze, twice a day, for two weeks, until it closes on it's own. They have trained me to do this for at least one of changes he has daily. Home Health is suppose to do the other change. I'm not a nurse, so this is really difficult for me. It's not easy to look at, but I think I can do it to help Mike get better.

I'm sure it's obvious how we can use everyone's prayers. We're needing to dig very deep to stay positive and not let everything discourage us. We may take advantage of some counseling at the hospital, just to learn some better ways to help us with some things medically, etc.

We're very grateful, despite the little disappointments that have sprung up. Thank you for praying for us. I'm convinced you help us keep one foot in front of the other daily.

"O Lord, You are my light! You make my darkness bright!" 2 Samuel 22:29

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